Inevitable Mortality ~ Part Two

THE SUN AND THE EX

I seriously do not feel like writing this but It has been a few weeks and I never finished these events. I feel the need to stop procrastinating and just get it done. We left off after having three dreams of which part of them came true. Then the Bibles I found bring us up to date. Another day passed after the second bible was found when I had gone to the store with my oldest daughter. My daughter waited in the car and when I returned she held sunglasses out to me saying " Ma, put these on and look at the sun. Block it so it doesn't blind you but you have to look at it" I did as requested and I saw a large Rainbow circling the enter sun. I, personally, have never seen this before. I have seen a circle around the moon but a rainbow around the sun never. And what does a rainbow represent? That God promises never to drown the world again. I wondered in my dream if I would drown. I was starting to feel like the characters in 'The Ring' but I wasn't being stalked by a creepy kid. Instead, I was being noticed by God!

On the way back to my house I said to her "hey, maybe your dad's here with us, remember that time you and he had that rainbow land on the hood of the car" She did. See, my ex passed away the year before and is no longer among the living.

Later that evening I noticed a vanilla envelope sticking out of a box in my room. I knew that box was from one of my excursions at a church in town so what I found in the envelope wasn't surprising. My question still is, why I was drawn to one paper sticking out of a box that sat in my room for weeks and why was I drawn to the dumpster during the daytime when it was normally a time I would not do it fearing I would be caught, and why was I drawn to what I thought was a box when it was likely empty as were all others?

I retrieved a paper from the envelope and the word 'BAPTISM' was written across the paper. Unphased knowing where this box of a thousand papers came from, I read this honorable certificate. I was shocked unable to process the name of the person to whom this paper belonged. It read 'Daniel James Russell'. The kicker is that my ex, my daughter's father we spoke of earlier in the day, his name was James Russell. What are the odds of this? I would like to stress to you that each event was every day, not spaced over weeks or months, but all these events lasted over a period of one week. Past loved ones were now letting me know they were around.


IMAGINING HOW

In the dream, I questioned how I was going to die, not if. In the dream I was already in the blue water so why not wonder if that would be the cause of my end, but just as with the raccoons I began to do what I did in the dream, I questioned how every day. One night I took my pitt bull/great dane, nine year old dog Bono, for a walk same as every other night. We live on a hill and the treck up this hill often times was a struggle and it made breathing difficult. I noticed this happening to Bono as we reached the steepest climb, and I said out loud to my dog " Well we could both have a heart attack right now. Then we could go together" The thought of leaving Bono behind was frightful. No person I knew was going to let him sleep in bed with them every night, or share their food during each meal, or spoon-feed him as I do. Bono will be unpleasantly lonely should something happen to me. On another day we were caught in a torrential rainstorm and I said, again out loud "We could get hit by lightning right this minute and we could go that way together" That's when I realized I wanted company on my final journey!

Another time I wondered if a car would hit me crossing the road, and another time while walking in the back yard I thought a tree limb could come down on my head and knock me out dead! Every step I took was a possible death trip. Riding to Walmart with my son I would imagine a car crash or if a car drove past me slow I could even be murdered! I don't recommend this and now know why we aren't born knowing the way of the end of our life. But here I was doing exactly what I had done in the dream.


THE DRAWING

My daughter had come to visit from out of state, so naturally she would visit her younger sister. This younger child who was almost thirty had waged a secret war against me, and to this day (A whole year)I have no idea why or why it lasted so long. Her weapon of choice to launch this unexplained attack is her son. He is my 10-year-old grandson. I saw this boy literally come into the world. I saw him every day of his life, and even cared for him for two years while she travelled across Florida with a boyfreind, homeless. My daughters deliberate, self-centered anger was affecting the boy who clearly resented this battle, as she disrespected me while emotionally abuse the child to show her power over me. Disappointment is too mild a description of what he and I were experiencing.

When My older daughter returned from the visit she tells me that she asked my grandson to draw a picture. Aspecial picture for grammy, and she would make sure I received it. I was eager to see.

Turnes out he drew a picture of God with wings, and he and I with our arms stretched out to him. My daughter, his mother, does not believe in God, so this picture came unexpectedly. The timing was spot on considering all the spiritual things going on.


REASONS

While I was visiting my friend and complaining about my daughter depriving me of my grandson, my friend spoke words of wisdom. While I said 'what if I die before I get to see him, he would never forgive her!' and my friend responded with this....

"What if God let this happen so you could see he will be ok without you, and to show him how to live without you. He'll be used to not having you there every day before you go away permanently. Maybe there's a reason after all" Somehow it seemed easier to bear after that conversation. But, death felt closer too.


SHADOW PEOPLE

Something I began noticing was people, lots of people, just standing staring at me yet when I approached them they would just not be there. One night I wondered 'What parents bring their kids to the park at 2 AM' There were several children running here and there unsupervised, but when I approached the area it was all still with no children in sight! Do we see the folks on the other side easier as the time draws closer?


I'm tired now. I'm going to stop because you get the drift. I think I'll be fine with it. If you have had similar experiences or heard of this through another person, please do share them in the comments section. God Bless!